Mistake

Eating, she thinks

"This is a mistake."

Pulling off the browned lettuce

scraping off too much 

ketchup/mayo/cream cheese/sauce/etc.

Thinking of her stockings

and what she looks like in the morning

This is a mistake.

Thinking her hair is in horrible waves

and her fingers destroyed

and her nose running

Thinking of the possibilities of fur coats

and pencil skirts

and diamonds

She is wanting a bath 

and a glass of wine

and the ripest pears

and to be back in the breathy shadows 

of the orchard

or waist-deep in the tidepool

and she is thinking of that day on the beach 

when she was three feet tall

with the yellow blanket over her shoulders

and white hair

bending over for a sand dollar

and looking up for a photo

her mother's shadow in the corner of the frame.

Flight CO 685

Bill from outside Salem
rubbed my sprained foot
leaning in close
whiskey breath
and bloody marys

showed me his "cats:"
6 tattoos on his forearms
bragged about his son
with no college education
making $18 an hour

when a baby cried
seven rows ahead
he held his hand in the air
and rubbed his thumb against
the pads of his fingers
"you gotta rub his ear"
to soothe his pain

Bill called me Emerald
because he couldn't remember Emily

he told me the man I was drifting from
had different feelings too
that it isn't my fault.

Oh

out of order
cover of clovers
plovers for lovers

spool of coiling wool
spoils
of lost over
tossed out
crossed out words

chords of coarse notes
dissolving resolve
coated nocturnes
of hallowed hours
ocher colored cuckhold

flowers gone sallow
sour
coals gone cold
overcome.

one am

walking out of the subway
she holds her bags in the crook of her arm
wrist limp
hoping someone will notice

this part of her
is delicate.

Exile

This is a strange kind of exile
what should be sitcom jokes
and happy knowing sighs
is instead:
wearing headphones while i brush my teeth
in order to block out the panting and creaking
meals and betimes now executed at a ratio of 2:1
greetings are made in two different languages

and as they abscond quietly
into another room each night,
leaving me to entertain
maybe others but always discomfort
the close and click of the door says
"we interpret your support and understanding
as unconditional."

Modesto 2

The geese laid their eggs
in the thrushes by the duck pond
guarded them serenely
We tip-toed around the back to check on them:
four maybe gosling

But the duck pond flooded
and by the time the water had gone down
only dark halos at the roots of the grass
the eggs were gone
the geese didnt seem to notice.

Bug

there are bugs
spiders flies mosquitoes ticks
in my bed
shower
between pages of books
on my windowsill
under my skin
digging
leaving a map of bruises
California
Chile
Manhattan
an encyclopedia of starbursts
a catalog of flower petals
an exponential anxiety.